I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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