I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
