I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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