You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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