saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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