so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
