I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
