what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
