omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
