I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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