Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
no you cant smoke seaweed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
