Who did Billy Mays play for?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
