There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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