I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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