true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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