I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
