I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
