Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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