You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
