And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
