I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
