thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
