I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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