That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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