About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
