so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
