You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
