dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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