Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping