If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
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Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.