Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
