Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.