I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS