OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?