the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
