the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
