Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
