i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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