guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
