I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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