I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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