We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
