So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
