I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
