exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
