every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
