You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
