I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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