if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
