She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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