i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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