none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
