I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
