you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
