Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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