Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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