Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
