I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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