I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
