remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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