we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Help. Why am I so naked?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
