I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
