I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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