Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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