she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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