you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I use my feet as sexual weapons
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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