we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
