Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
