Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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