i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
