is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
