He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
