she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize