Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
