she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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