WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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