paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
