Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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