I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
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It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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