Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
